So I was just getting ready to grab a beer and turn off the ‘puter for the evening when the phone rings. It’s my father in-law.

Every conversation with my father in-law begins exactly the same way:

Me: Hello?
D: MJ [last name], Don [last name] here. How are you?
Me: Don [last name], I’m grrrrreat. How are you?
D: Faaaan tastic. Never been better!

Always the same script. If it ever varies, I know something is wrong. Tonight’s convo started as any other would. Except then he said…

“Well, I’m just calling to wish you and the missus a VERY happy anniversary!”

FUCK! Fuckity fuck FUCK!

Through the doorway, I’m watching the missus in the kitchen getting ready to sit down for a chat with her father and I say to him…

“You know what Don? You’re the first person to say that to me today!”

And with that the missus spins around to me and we both cover our mouths in shock and horror. Ooops! Bad lesbians! Bad!

Happy Anniversary Baby! Who loves ya? Smoochahs!

Natalie over at Pickle Juice was discussing the hot hot monkey love she was gonna get on when her husband Andy got home. I thought of this, the cute story of two little monkeys (windows media)
warning: not work safe

Have you heard about the new Skyhigh Airlines yet? You have to check out the whole site. Don’t miss the letter from the chairman: What is it with you people? Brilliant.
via oddgirl

I totally have to have one! How cool is the Casual Lofa? A fully street legal sofa topping out at 87MPH. Oh yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.. mmm hmm.
via presurfer

Play RSVP - the dinner party game. Match up your guests around the table. A bit harder than it looks.
via presurfer

Check out AOL Sexicons. Question: What the hell is smurfing? I feel so out of touch…
warning: not work safe

“Pet Foil Hat Technology (PFHT) is the patented system that protects you from the government.”

Awful Plastic Surgery details some really, really bad surgical choices. Good god the lips… I’m going to have nightmares now, I know it!

Friday we took our Freak Fest to 10,000 ft. via the world famous Palm Springs Aerial Tramway to check out the new restaurant at the top of Mt. San Jacinto. We left the base station at 6:30 and our timing could not have been more perfect. The sunset was beautiful and we enjoyed the sweet cool air as the temp dropped about 40º into the low 60’s.

Once up top we headed for the Lookout Lounge and had our cocktails out on the Canyon Vista Deck, which is actually the platform directly above where the tram cars dock.The eastern glow of the sunset over the Mojave was a stunning backdrop. When it was time for dinner. I was completely blown away. This place use to only have the worst cafeteria style dining room (which is still there for those daring souls who want to risk it) but they’ve transformed half of the space into a much finer dining experience. The food was absolutely fantastic. Not sure what you would call it, California Fusion maybe? Very good.

We ended up closing the place. We took the last car down along with our waitress, and the chef which was an experience I won’t soon forget. The tram operator asked us if we wanted the lights on or off. Of course we all yelled “off” so he flipped the switch, cranked up the stereo and we began our descent in pitch black darkness, laughing our asses off, singing along with Stevie Wonder and watching the twinkling lights of our desert below. What a blast.

Check out the photos.

It was only 10:00 so we couldn’t just leave it at that. We headed over to Toucans for a nightcap. Michael was feeling no pain at this point but he was quite entertaining as he put his best moves out on the dance floor. Rich wisely took him home when he started break dancing, or was that dancing while breaking things?

As the rest of us were getting ready to leave, we discovered Erb was MIA. I did several laps around the place, but couldn’t find him anywhere. The last I saw of him, he was stuffing money in a Go-Go dancers crotch. We were just about to give up when a bouncer came up to us and directed us outside.

Folks, it’s all fun and games until the paramedics show up.

In one swift sobering moment, a beautiful night was about to come to a frightening close. First: Erb is okay - but damn if he didn’t scare the absolute shit out of us. Apparently he collapsed at the bar … twice. He’d had a few drinks, but he wasn’t drunk. No drugs, no reasonable explanation other than is was hotter that mofo in there. We briefly thought it might have been the altitude at the tram but the EMTs dismissed that. After running his vitals from head to toe, he checked out fine. As of today he was still light headed but feeling much better. Scary…

Damn, maybe we are too old for this shit…

I had a nice little upbeat number running through my head that I was gonna post today but then I find out that Robert Palmer died this morning. 54 freaking years old. I am sick and tired of posting DEAD GUY SONGS! So stop dying already!

Doctor Doctor - Give Me the News

I took the Missus to the airport at some ungodly hour this morning, the sun wasn’t even up that’s all I know. And we were out of coffee. This is never a good sign. On the way home from the ‘port, I stopped off at Albertson’s to get me some beans.

Have you ever been shopping before the sun comes up? Neither have I - sober. The place is lit up like the fucking Fourth of July and it’s about -110º below zero in there. They must do that to keep their employees awake, or it’s a twisted research project. Albertson’s lab rats… That explains the two-way mirrors.

So I am on my way to the check out and there they were. Big beautiful mounds, full, moist and juicy… and they were calling my name. I began wringing my hands like Gollum: my precious, me wants them, me must have them!

So I bought the 4 pack of blueberry muffins.

This is what happens when she leaves me alone folks. I find myself spiraling into the depths of excess and depravity. Food, drink, selflove, and naked farts on the couch. So far 2 whole muffins and 1 top of another. Looks like it gonna be a red letter day!

And so begins my journey to commit all 7 seven deadly sins before 6:37pm Sunday.

Gluttony - Check

Finally, the federal government has decided to stop throwing taxpayers money away. It’s about time if you ask me, which you didn’t, but anyway…

Don’t it?

Absolutely gorgeous collection of photographs of Russian Interiors. I stumbled on this panorama first. Very Hobbiton. But don’t miss the rest of the gallery. Stunning.

From one pole to the other: 42 Below Vodka ad. Clever use of stereotypes and misconceptions.

Check out the Gay Referee. Love him!

Here’s a cool little puzzle game. Play Telescope

In Other News:
There is a disturbing political schism happening in the Fishwrap Household. I don’t know who this woman is, but I’d like to know what she’s done with my wife.

So there I am, minding my own business having a smoke out back when something catches the corner of my eye in the neighbors pool through the fence. I’ve not talked about these neighbors - no reason to, nice quiet people, except their dog chases cats. But what can you do? That’s the natural order of things.

Anyway, something didn’t look right in their pool. I casually glance over both shoulders to make sure no one is looking before I climb up on the fence to take a peek over.

My heart sank. I saw a medium sized dark thing floating in the pool. The worst came to mind as it probably did for you right now. It was either a cat or their dog. Fuck. But the more I looked at it, the less I could discern. It was hard to tell. Damn it. What to do?

I did a cat check and ours were all present and accounted for. I asked the missus to take a look over the fence and after careful examination through a pair of binoculars - she starts to chuckle. It turns out it’s one of these motherfuckers. Son of a bitch! A frickin’ alligator pool chlorinator. That’ll teach me for being a Gladys Kravitz.

I feel like an idiot. A relieved idiot, but an idiot nonetheless.

10 years later.

Some of us old folk will remember the death threats and other unpleasantness that plagued Camp Sister Spirit back in 1993. It may not be the most in-depth story, but it’s nice to hear how far Brenda and Wanda have come in Ovett, Miss. From WLOX part 1 and part 2

via Queerday