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The Pumpkin Peace Project. Don’t feel like taking to the streets and shouting “No blood for oil” - well, whip out the ‘ol carving knife and take a stand. Your message may be lost on the little ones obsessed with candy and all things sweet and tricks and treats, however parents and neighbors are another story.

You too can be a Bushy speechwriter. Pretty fun!

This shit is funny! The Mechanic. Okay, this woman is beyond stupid. She shouldn’t even be allowed to own a car.

Bad News. A prank that went bad - very bad. You have to hear the final line. Ooops!

Who Let the Dogs Out
San Francisco Giants made the playoffs! Oh, poor Dodgers… no mo’ fo’ Nomo this year. Too bad. Now if I can just envision us actually beating Arizona…Ha! Hey, stranger things have happened - at least my house didn’t burn down. (if you haven’t been keeping up with the rest of the class: My Devil Cat and My OCD)

In other news, so far I have avoided doing anything resembling mental or physical exertion this weekend, unless you count a couple of crosswords. But now that it’s a bit cooler out, I’m guessing I might have some yard work in my immediate future. Damn.

Crazy Cat Lady Update
Because I know you all have been on pins and needles, here it is…

1) I have not harmed any cats since the destruction of my powerbook. But each and every one of them gets the hairy eyeball and suspicious sneers and growls from me for the next 3 weeks. You are all guilty… of something, I’m sure. Laura over at Head-Rush gets a Bozo Button for most humorous comment: “Cats, The Other White Meat.”

2) We have found homes for all three kittens from the rescued feral littler.
a)Grey Kitten (code named Blue) is going to two really nice guys and their son once her skin thing clears up. She’s not real pretty to look at right now.
b) Black kitten #2 (code named Ruby) has found a sweet loving home with a woman named Rhonda.
c) Long hair black kitten #1 (code named Jinx) has found a wonderful lesbian home with many other cats to play with. Uh-huh. I’m a suckah… This brings our total number of house cats to 4 as follows:

Bailey
Smidge
Mouse
Jinx
—-
Junior, born of the wild has returned to his roots and gone feral on us
Greyson we time share with the neighbors ::shrug:: what are ya gonna do?

3) In the last two days we have trapped, altered and released 2 ferals in our neverending quest to STOP THE MADNESS. We have another trapping on Monday and 6 more in November.

4) I’m learning a big lesson about not getting emotionally attached to the ferals.

“There is no place for sentimentality when dealing with feral cats. Their way of life is hard but they are tough and incredibly resilient. Given help from knowledgeable humans who are able to combine compassion with commonsense, there is much that can be done to relieve their distress and suffering and which will enable them to enjoy a good quality of life in the free-living state.”
from FAB Cats

I could use a little help

I can’t recover my address book at the moment, so if we correspond on even a semi-regular basis, send me an email dammit. How the hell am I supposed to remember “youdot.underscore_lastname@somewhereimportant.com” huh?

I can’t.

Yeah this means you too earthquake boy.

And don’t even ask why my header image is not loading - my header hurts. It’s all I can do to even get blogger to publish anything.

Here Kitty Kitty
you motherfucking piece of shit.

I have never understood why a person would ever hurt an animal. EVER. There’s nothing more evil. Period. However, this morning I did briefly entertain the idea. I didn’t hurt any of the cats, but I did have a breakdown. Why you may ask?

One of the fucking cats pissed - yes PISSED - on my Powerbook. While it was ON. It’s now completely fried. Gone. Nada. I was greeted this morning by the lovely smell of cat piss and a burning motherboard. And the stomach dropping realization that I had not backed up in over a week.

All my work. Gone. All my email. Gone. All my contacts. Gone. And I’m in the middle of a rather large project at the moment. Back to the drawing board. I have to start from scratch.

I was thankfully able to borrow an old powerbook from my friend and collegue James, who I just happened to catch at LAX before he left the country! You are a GOD James! You sweet man, you’ve saved me. It’s an old G3, the fat one with no USB, no CD-ROM and of course, no Fire Wire. At this point, I don’t fucking care - we’ll cross that bridge when we need to. In the meantime I have shuttle files between the missus’ mac and this machine via the network. Small potatoes in the big scheme of things.

So what do I do now? Well, a new iMac is on it’s way (the 17″ widescreen baby!). The joy of my purchase is unfortunately tempered by my extreme anger and frustration with a certain feline who might have to have her bladder removed.

Is it Beer:30 yet?

Key-rist, it can’t only be 12:30 can it? My routine was severely disrupted this morning. I had an 8:30am meeting (I don’t know what the hell I was thinking when I said “Sure!” to that!) Then I had to take the Missus across town for her meeting (of course, my meeting ran late so we had to Steve McQueen it over there for an ontime arrival) THEN I got- almost - all the way back to our end of town when another client called me in for an emergency conference - yes - back on the other side of town. Screech - U-turn. After all the who-ha and half a tank of gas later I said fuck it. I ate McDonalds. Screw the diet. It was good. I won’t apologize.

Anyway - here’s today’s time waster: Celebrity or Look-alike?

Okay - this just fucking cracked me up! Evite: Come Join Us!

link via decaf venti no-whip mocha

Did you feel that?

I usually like to keep the Fishwrap on a light, upbeat, linkity linky, and non-personal note but something is compelling me to take us to a higher level right now, to share with you some very personal things about me.

I have a couple of habits that some might diagnose as OCD but I like to call them cute little personality quirks..

1) Weather: I am fascinated by weather. I can actually watch The Weather Channel and have a great time. Weather is everywhere and I have to check it constantly. Not by going outside mind you, but by checking Wunderground.com roughly every hour. Yes, I could take a few moments and actually walk out into the backyard and easily determine that it’s hot. Fucking hot. But that would not satisfy my craving for hard scientific evidence to confirm that it’s hot. See? Right there - it says it’s 110º outside. Now that’s Hot!

And I don’t just check the weather outside my door. I have a favorites list for people I know around the country and check their weather too. It’s a bonding thing. “Oh, it’s cold and rainy in Grand Rapids! Better put a sweater on sweetie.” Plus, I get totally jazzed looking at the NEXRAD radar composites.

2) Earthquakes: Ah, now this is a healthy and safe habit to have. See, we live in earthquake country. There is an earthquake here on average every couple of hours. Little ones, but still - something is always moving down there! Here’s the rub though - while I can see on the national radar that we are in no danger of a thunderstorm or hurricane, and never will be, there is no way to predict an earthquake. Right? Wrong! Just look at the map! Increased activity means - increased activity! More earthquakes! Duh! It’s all building up to something!

A dear friend of mine (who I know reads this all the time, btw - hey where’s that drink you promised me?!) shares in my obsession quirk. He checks the map all the time too. And right now, I know he is thinking the same thing I am. Something is a-brewing! We had a good little 4.1 on Saturday (that would be the big yellow square on the map). There is “increased activity” (code word for DANGER!) throughout the state. Mark my words. There’s something happening. Everyone thinks San Francisco is the Earthquake Capital, but no. Just look at the map. I moved to the friggin shake zone.

3) Fire: I am convinced that someday our house will burn down. I unplug things every time we leave the house. I smell smoke all the time, and will spend hours trying to find the source. The missus can attest to the fact that when it comes to fire, I am a little more than obnoxious. I think it all stems from a recurring dream I had as a child. If there are any dream analysts out there - maybe you can help me with this one…

In the basement of the house I grew up in there was a rec room (with a little sink and fridge). In my dream, I would be standing in this room, looking down the long hallway to the laundry room. The entire laundry room, hallway, and rec room was engulfed in flames. On the counter by the sink and fridge, there was a large coffee urn (we never owned one but it was like the kind we had at church - polished stainless steel) and the flames were reflecting off the urn. I did not get burned and I was not afraid. I just stood there and watched.

I had that dream on a semi-weekly basis from the time I was 6 until I was about 14. I had it once as an adult, when I was about 27. What the fuck does it mean?

So there you have it. Maybe I am insane, but these things keep me out of trouble. To further prove my point, I have signed up for the EDIS reports of weather advisories, earthquakes, and wildfires throughout the state to be sent to me via text messaging on my cell phone. And did I mention blackouts?

My worst fear? Earthquake weather (there is such a thing you know) that precedes an 8.6 quake resulting in the complete devastation (by fire) of my home. It could happen! I’m not insane!

So, now that you’ve had a little peak into my brain - I hope we can still be friends.

I shopped like a girl. And it was good.

I went to the Cabazon Outlets, which has just about every fucking brand name a label whore could wet dream about. Bonus: you can burn off about 25,000 calories just walking from one end to the other. The fucked up part is that you have to park at one end or the other, which means that you have to walk the mall TWICE in order to get back to your car. They do have a food court at the midpoint where you can see weary bleary eyed shoppers and their piles of bags just trying to stuff enough carbs and caffeine into their bodies to make it back to the car.

I successfully avoided the stores where I haven’t a clue what to buy, what is/is not a good deal and where the sales clerks (yes - you are CLERKS! you fucking pseudo high brow twits!!) look at me as if I just fell off the delivery truck. These stores include but are not limited to: Versace, Armani, Prada, Gucci and Ferragamo.

I’ve often found that outlets are not neccesarily cheaper than the actual retail stores. Usually it’s just a scam to get you to pay full price for factory second merchandise because you’re exhausted and not in your right mind. But this day, I was successful. I was the victor! The following items totaled under $300, few of which had any noticable defects.

2 pairs of Levi’s
1 pair Polo cargo pants (marked 30″ inseam, but actually about a 42″ inseam)
1 Kenneth Cole shirt
1 Saks off 5th leather jacket (faulty zipper)
1 pair of sandles
1 pair of loafers
1 pair of Timberland hiking hybrid shoes (with a free ugly sweatshirt!)
1 Hugo Boss pull over
1 North Face fleece jacket (Final purchase - not in my right mind. Yeah - winters coming to the desert any minute now!)

The Strange, The Sad and The Ugly

The Strange:
Drive this guy insane! No, really. Best done in the evening hours when you can actually see the lights go on and off. You have to reload the page to see the updated webcam.

Fred Flintstone selling Winston Cigs? Yabba Dabba Do [cough, hack]. Barney! Get me my inhaler, you knucklehead!

More Mean Kitties

Do you want fries with that? Seems Fried Chicken and Hamburgers are the prefered Final Meals in Texas.

The Sad: (it’s a little more serious than usual folks)
Have we not learned anything from Brandon Teena? It is Ohio, granted, but c’mon. I classify this reporting as sad simply because of what the ‘psychiatrist’ says about her ‘condition’. Please.

The Ugly:
Here are some examples of the worst lesbian porn fiction I have ever read in my entire life. It’s like a Lesbian Penthouse Forum - only worse.

Some people will do anything for money

The following was shamelessly horked from Dargie Blithers who horked it from someone else

Which Izzard Are You?

Slut Izzard: You’ll crawl into any duvet any time of the day.  You get to shag everyone, and wear all their clothes. You’re concerned with appearances, whether anyone will shag you, or whether you’ll shag anyone else. Rejoice!! For you are a fashion queen.

Finally (whew!) - from Page Six: Ro creates a scene. Some say she’s drunk!